Straight

I straightened my hair today, and said good bye to Justin. He said he was going to miss me but I really don't think he is going to. I mean. He is going home with his parents and a whole bunch of his friends, so I really doubt he is going to even have the time to miss me.. really. We'll see. I mean I'm going to miss him to death. I see and hang out with him every day; he is practically my brother. He has Frenchy and Taylor, as well as Janele. Man oh man. I have my mother, father and siblings.. wooooo! I'm really not that excited. That's it. No late night outings, no movies, no parties, nothing. *sigh* Just me.. alone. Not very exciting. I mean, don't get me wrong I miss my parents very much, but I don't have a home anymore. My parent's house isn't mine anymore. I'm a nomad. I wont have a real home until I make one for myself. It's a bit depressing but it's true. There I have no room, I don't know where the cups, cutlery or dishes are. It's not my home. Arlington/Bartlett isn't a foreign land to me. There is a mall full of teenagers I'm never going to see again. Maybe I'll meet someone new, maybe I'll find love, but I'm not keeping my hopes up. Seriously, I can't even gain a relationship here what makes me think I'll gain one when I'm in Tennessee for three weeks. What will I gain in Three weeks. Maybe a friendship, if I'm lucky. I really doubt I'll even find a guy, sad to say, that is what I'm looking for right now. I really like girls, but I'm a slight break; I want to experiment. Something different, new. I really like Gabriel but I've already chopped off my wings for him. I don't even thing he likes me, he isn't gay or bi. I told Patrick that I like Gabriel and he laughed and said, "wow, that is cool.. I don't know how he feels about it,but thats cool!". So yea, I need to chill, take it easy, and appreciate the friendship I have going with him you know.

*Tangent* I love having this blog, because no one I know reads it. I mean I understand it's not private, but knowing I can express my thought completely make me feel good. I can say what I feel. You know.. like that temporary feelings like the "I HATE YOU" 's you have with you best friends or loved ones you love unconditionally.

Anyway..... None the less, I'm still extremely excited to go hang out with Gabriel I haven't seen him in FOREVER. I miss him quite frankly. I'm absolutely OBSESSED! It's slightly unhealthy. People say it's normal but will see.

So, to sum it up. I really dislike Janele, I can't stand Justin when we are all together, and I am sooo desperate for a relationship it's unhealthy.